Unfortunately for this German Doctor, he thought he could go onto the internet and speak his mind. Doctor or no, the police are going to come in and arrest you for speaking out against this very dangerous virus. This virus is so dangerous that we need the government to arrest people that question it. If people start to question this virus, people might get the false impression that the government is trying to be deceptive. Your government is not deceptive, it loves you, it loves you so much that it is willing to send the SWAT team into a poor innocent doctor’s house to save you from his lies.
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An invitation to lunch at Caviar Kaspia was,
once upon a time, an offer you simply didn’t refuse.
Providing, of course, that the bill was on someone else.
Because caviar, smeared on blinis or piled high on baked potatoes, sure didn’t
come cheap. There may have been other things on the menu, but no one paid them much heed.
This was all about lashings of the black stuff.
Caviar Kaspia’s signature baked potato and caviar: ‘there
are few better dishes on earth…only the price, at just under £150, is ridiculous’
Caviar Kaspia popped her final tin about two decades back.
And that site, hidden down a smart Mayfair mews, was taken over by Gavin Rankin (who used to be the boss), and transformed into the brilliant Bellamy’s.
It prospers to this day. Kaspia, on the other hand, went quiet.
Until last year, when she reopened as a members’ club in another Mayfair backstreet.
But a £2,000 a year membership fee proved hard to swallow, meaning the doors
were opened to the great unwashed.
Which is how we find ourselves sitting in a rather handsome – albeit near
empty – dining room, lusciously lavish, under the stern gaze of a stern painting of
a very stern man. The soft, crepuscular gloom is broken up by the glare of table lamps, indecorously bright, while a loud
soundtrack of indolent, indeterminate beats throbs in the background.
The whole place is scented with gilded ennui.
Our fellow diners are two young South Korean women of pale, luminescent beauty, clad in diaphanous couture.
They don’t speak, rather communicate entirely via camera phone.
Pose, click, check, filter, post. Immaculate waiters hover in the shadows.
We sip ice-cold vodka, and eat a £77 caviar and smoked-salmon Kaspia croque monsieur that
tastes far better than it ought to. Next door, a large table fills with a glut of the noisily, glossily confident.
We’re looked after by a wonderful French lady of such effervescent charm
and charisma that had she burst into an impromptu performance of
‘Willkommen’, we would have barely blinked. Baked potatoes, skin as crisp as parchment, insides whipped savagely hard with butter and sour cream, are a study in tuber art.
A cool jet-black splodge of oscietra caviar, gently
saline, raises them to the sublime. Only the price, at just under £150
each, is ridiculous. But there are few better dishes on earth.
I’d eat this every day if I could. But I can’t. Obviously.
That’s the problem with caviar. One taste is never enough.
About £200 per head. Caviar Kaspia, 1a Chesterfield
Street, London W1; caviarkaspialondon.com
★★★★✩
My favourite luxury dishes
Tom’s pick of the best places to splash the culinary cash in LondonTom’s pick of the best places to splash the culinary cash
in London
The Ritz
Beef wellington sliced and sauced at the table (£150) and crêpes suzette flambéed with aplomb (£62):
Arts de la Table is edible theatre at its most delectable.
theritzlondon.com
Otto’s
Come to this classic French restaurant for the canard or homard à la presse
(£150-£220 per person); stay for beef tartare (£42), foie gras
(£22) and poulet de bresse rôti (£190, two courses).
ottos-restaurant.com
Sushi Kanesaka
Piscine perfection comes at an eye-watering £420 per
person, sans booze. But this 13-seat sushi bar shows omakase dining at its very finest.
dorchestercollection.com
Min Jiang
The dim sum is some of the best in town. But don’t miss the wood-fired Beijing duck
(£98) – crisp skin first, then two servings of the meat.
Superb.
minjiang.co.uk
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