Hey Warren Buffet,

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Why don’t you help Omaha out instead of hobnobbing with politicians in D.C.?

As a resident of Omaha Nebraska, and a kind of sort of neighbor of Warren Buffet (isn’t living a mile away pretty close to being a neighbor?). I don’t have any idea what the guy is thinking most of the time.  I mean this guy’s mind is completely baffling to me.  I guess Warren has been telling the media and every politician that will listen about the glorious idea of raising capital gains taxes.  I guess this will “level” the playing field and make old Warren feel less guilty about being rich.  Personally, I think Warren should start feeling good about being rich and start spending money to enjoy it.  After all, what would be of better use to the economy, Warren droning on and on about how his secretary pays less taxes or Warren blowing tons of money in Omaha’s local economy to boost the local GDP?  Hell, if I was as rich as old Warren, I would buy way more than just a big yacht like your small time rich guy, I would build a castle!  I’m not talking in Hollywood type jest here either. Like a really, really big house or something.  I’m talking about a freaking huge Medieval castle with ramparts, a moat, huge feasts every day, and people hired on to act as the local medieval population.  I will have people play knights, surfs, counts, and barons. This will be like government stimulus on super steroids and a lot more bad ass than namby pamby community reinvestment nonsense. It will likely add more value as well, I mean what would you rather have, a road repaved for the sixth time this year clogging up traffic or a big huge castle right outside of town. I will hire all unemployed people too and reduce Omaha’s unemployment rate to zero.

Unfortunately for all the citizens of Omaha, Warren is a guilty, guilty man for being so rich. So instead of enjoying a lavish lifestyle, he lives so humbly it could make a priest blush for living so lavishly. So not only does Warren not buy a Huge Freaking Cool Castle (HFCC) he does not even buy that big of a house.  You can almost feel his guilt while driving by it.  Think of all those jobs that he could have created if he’d just spend a little more on himself, but nooooo, he keeps all of that money to himself, permanently sealed up. He is some kind of Walking Keynsian Liquidity Trap (WKLT).

So Warren feels guilty about spending money on himself.  Well, why doesn’t he do what every other Billionaire does?  Invest huge amounts of money in his home town!  Hell, we just built a new stadium so we could keep the college world series in quaint little Omaha, but, where was Warren to help out with that?  Hell, Mr. “Badass” T. Boone dropped tons of money on his alma mater’s stadium, why can’t he be the local rich guy?  But no, we got dreary old Warren.  Speaking of T. Boone, at least he had some REALLY crazy, REALLY big schemes like millions of windmills going from Canada all the way down to the tip of Argentina or something.  What do we get from old Warren?  The same dreary old stuff we have been hearing since the New Deal.  There has to be something that Warren will spend money on in Omaha.  Wait a second, the food banks in Omaha are really low… how about pitching in there Warren?  Well, guess not, Warren has to go get some medals from some shifty politicians.

Well, I guess old Warren wants to be remembered by some dull old tax increase that reminds me of his drab old house.  Personally, I would want to be remembered as that “crazy rich guy that built that freaking huge castle right outside of town”. I would even settle for the guy that chips into the local food banks but, not old Warren. I would like to tell Warren to live it up, and that what he does adds value to society so stopping feeling so guilty. Alas, I guess Omaha is just a little too small for big hearted Warren Buffet to spend money on.

1,257 thoughts on “Hey Warren Buffet,”

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